Returning to work after maternity leave can be a daunting experience for many new mothers. The transition from being at home with their newborn to returning to the workplace can evoke a range of emotions, including guilt, anxiety and stress.
I have three kids, which means I had three maternity leaves and three work reentries. My second one was the worst. It was my shortest leave, this was my most difficult infant and when I returned to my public relations job, I felt like I was being punched in the face.
All my hard-won clients were gone. Either left or transferred to another Senior Vice President, who quickly thereafter became partner. I was angry, so very angry but didn’t feel that I had a right to express it. I also felt bad, like it was my fault somehow.
Those first few weeks were tough. I was exhausted from being up all night with my infant, not to mention taking care of my two-year old. And I had to keep the emotion down every day. I felt like a soldier returning from war after a hard fight, only to come back and learn that my girl had taken off with another fella.
I remember sitting the head partner down and challenging him, I told him ”I have no place in this company right now”…a risky move but it turns out pretty smart. More on that later.
The hard reality is that I lost a great deal of career equity because of a scant three-month maternity leave. What happens when you are gone longer, six months, a year, five years?
The happy career advice tells you to be kind to yourself after returning to work. Give yourself a foot massage. Send a gift to your baby. Buy the right pump and ensure you schedule pumping breaks throughout the day – damn the meetings on your calendar!
But what they don’t tell you is that you can’t really pick up where you left off.
Why Women Can’t Have It All
Anne Marie Slaughter, University Professor of Politics and International Affairs at Princeton and former director of policy planning for the U.S. State Department under Hillary Clinton writes in her book, Unfinished Business; Women Men Work Family, about the unexpected reaction from an essay she wrote in 2012 for the Atlantic entitled “Why women still can’t have it all.”
The essay, which is one of the most read articles in the 150-year history of The Atlantic, describes the dearth of choices for working mothers as a driver for many highly talented, highly educated women to exit the workforce. She was surprised by the hundreds of emails she received after the piece published, some with praise and some with criticism for undermining the decades of “hard-won gains of women in the workplace.”
We have a hard time admitting that taking time for family is tough on the career. But as Ms. Slaughter states, it’s time to redefine the arc of a successful career. She is looking at the long-term. The space for career opens as we mature and family commitments wane but what if you are returning to work now while juggling dual careers, kids, schools, nannies?
Reentry Is a Bitch: The Harsh Realities of Returning To The Workplace
Reentry is so difficult, there is a cottage industry helping to ease the process. Carol Fishman Cohen (title, link to TED TALK) describes two main concerns from employers considering candidates who have been out of the workforce for extended periods of time.
- They are technologically obsolete
- They don’t really know what they want to do
How does this play out in the real world?
Let me tell you a story about Jill and what she experienced returning to work after a maternity leave.
Jill took time off to have her two girls and get her MBA. She wasn’t expecting to be out of the workplace for five years but life is unpredictable, especially when you are “planning” a family. With her MBA in hand, two little ones a helpful but also gainfully employed husband she put herself out there on LinkedIn.
She describes her experience as “lucky.” A former colleague found her seemingly out of the blue and recruited her to work at his small but growing financial services firm. Jill was nervous and excited and took the role.
Then challenges quickly presented themselves. Her girls went to school on completely different ends of the city (San Francisco). The role she had was in finance, where her colleagues started early and technology ruled. “This was hard.”
She and her husband hired a wonderful nanny but like most wonderful nannies, she had options. She hired another but as it turns out she was not a “morning person,” which added a great deal of stress with Jill having to tear out of the house the second the nanny walked into the door.
On the work front, she realized that after being out of the workplace for more than five years, “thing had changed!”
The laws changed, the regulation changed, technology not only changed but transformed the finance industry.
So how did Jill cope and not only survive but thrive? She describes feeling technology-impaired. She was a leader and her staff knew more than her on the technology front. I asked her if it was just in her head. She told me “no, my boss sat me down and told me I had to get up to speed on the technology.”
Jill is a smart, determined persistent woman. She took the time she needed, even over Christmas break, to learn new software programs. She made space for herself by sending her kids to the grandparents. Jill worked hard, adapted, learned new skills and is still learning. Now if only the nanny would arrive a little earlier!
Meet Renee
Renee returned to the workforce after nine years out. She has a medical science background and “thought” she would have to go backwards at least two levels from where she left just to get back into the flow. And she said the best advice she ever got was from a good friend and working professional mom. She told her not to start at that lower level but to go for something a bit bigger.
Renee didn’t start two levels back, but she did start a bit sideways. She always wanted to be in regulatory. So took a post-market compliance job at a medical device company to get back into the fold. She describes feeling edgy and embarrassed when she first started. “How am I going to gel with a 25-year old peer group?” She worked up her confidence for the interview and landed this job. All because of ONE SUPPORTIVE WOMAN who told her not to compromise.
Wrapping It Up
So do working mothers reentering the workforce have the two issues Cohen cites as concerns (technologically behind and not sure what they want)? To an extent they do. But by being aware and proactive and by leaning on their supporters, both Jill and Renee overcame them.
Women are amazing and resilient. I will leave you with the end of my maternity leave story. After I sat down the managing partner and made the ill-advised comment that “I had no place in the firm,” we took a deep look at what the company needed and my skill set. As a result, we created a COO position for this growing firm. This lead me to the next step in my career. Ultimately, this landed me an excellent job at Dow Chemical working in the water and process business.
So let’s take risks and stick together.
I can relate to the ladies you featured here. For me, I had a lot of emotions returning to work. There were times I was ready to jump right in and other times I thought “what the heck am I doing here.” Thanks for sharing.